Suggested next step: If you want support tailored to you, start with the 30-Minute Clarity Call.
Common patterns
- Anxious: heightened sensitivity to distance, reassurance-seeking.
- Avoidant: discomfort with dependence, preference for self-reliance.
- Secure: flexibility—closeness and space feel safe.
How it shows up in conflict
- Anxious partners escalate to restore closeness.
- Avoidant partners withdraw to restore safety.
- Both are trying to regulate distress, but the strategies clash.
What helps
- Name the pattern without blaming.
- Use clear requests: ‘I need reassurance’ or ‘I need 20 minutes to calm down’.
- Practice repair: acknowledge impact, validate emotion, and re-connect.
Reflective prompt
‘When I feel distance, what story does my mind tell?’
‘When I feel crowded, what story does my mind tell?’
If you recognise yourself in this, start gently. Change is more sustainable when it is paced and compassionate. If symptoms are persistent, severe, or affecting safety, seeking professional support is appropriate.
Note: This article is educational and supportive. If you’re in crisis or at risk of harm, contact local emergency services.